3 Things Busy Dads Get Wrong About Self-Improvement

You're trying to do too much, copying the wrong people, and acting "too much" like someone you're not yet. Those three habits are ruining your growth as a dad. 

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Key Themes: 
Busy Dad Self Growth
Mistake One- Too Many Habits
Pick Your Top Three
Mistake Two - Copying Others
Mistake Three- Future Self Trap
Meet Yourself Where You Are
Recap And Next Steps
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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

For all you busy dads out there, all you high achieving dads who are juggling, wanting to be the best parent you can be, but also wanting to be the best version of yourself, right? Because we can't forget ourselves and all of this. Uh, I'm gonna break down what I feel are three uh really important mistakes uh that you're making in your self-development, in your self-help journey. And the reason why I'm able to do this is because as I always say in these videos, right, I'm walking the walk with you, right? I'm not talking to you from on top of the mountain looking down. I'm talking to you as an individual, as a father, as a dad that is walking next to you. I just so happen to really, really dedicate a lot of my free time and also a lot of even my time being a dad or being a colleague, being a business owner, to this type of work, right? And so it's my job, I feel like, to give it back to those who are, you know, trying to walk this journey of trying to be the best dad while also trying to be the best individual for themselves, right? Mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally. And so that's what this video is about is about, you know, three things that I've done in my life, some of them I still do, uh, and just three key things that you're probably doing that's ruining your self-help, self-development journey as a busy dad. And I would say the first thing is you're probably trying to do too many things at one time, and that's just your nature. It's like me. I'm gonna be real with you. So, in my lifetime, I would say probably in the last 10 years, these are all the things that I've quote unquote done or achieved. Ready for this? Uh, I put out music albums, I launched three clothing lines, I was building an app for couples who are already dating each other. I launched a mindful coaching business. I just launched a uh website that sells my black and white iPhone photography. I can name probably seven more things. The point I'm trying to make is when we are creatives and when we are you know high achievers, we tend to want to get it all done. So, if that's how we approach life in general, how do you think we're gonna approach being a better person? We're gonna try to do all the things, so that's the first mistake. And I I've I remember I literally saw a notebook, an old notebook of mine, when I was trying to create the perfect morning routine. And I promise you, I look back at this notebook, there were literally like 15 things I can't recall it now, but I'm talking about like I had making a brain smoothie on there, I had meditation, I had journaling, I had yoga, I had, I mean, reading, uh, making my tea, saying my prayer, like I taking a 25-30 minute walk. I'm telling you, I'm not doing this any justice, this list any justice, right? I'm I'm trying to tell you there were probably like 14 things, and I'm like, what going to the gym? I'm just like, what is happening here? But at the time, you know, I'm just trying to be the best version of myself, and I'm just naming all the things that A probably do feed my soul and are good for me, but most importantly, B, that I've seen other people yap about on YouTube, like me, right? Um, but the problem is we can't do that, right? We have to really prioritize, and this is why I like this kind of advice because I'm about to tell you, maybe I'll tell you some things that I do, but I'm about to tell you, do whatever works for you. So if my three things don't work, if my four things don't work, but you do have two or three things that work, do those. The advice here is not to do too many, not to do try to get 10 things done in the morning before you got to go to work. It just doesn't make sense. Even if you work from home all day, you know, even if you you you're your own boss, it doesn't matter. At some point, you're gonna burn out before you actually do the things that are important to move your business along. At some point, you're gonna burn out before you got to get in the car and drive to work. At some point, you're gonna burn out before you got to make the kids breakfast and take them to school, right? And so the point of this one thing is for you to know that you don't want to do too many things, okay? And it's it's also your nature, right? That's another reason why I'm like, I'm walking with you because I know it's your nature to try to be that dad that does everything and try to be that guy that could do everything. But just make a list. I would do this. I would this is what I did. I made a list of all the things that I thought were really important to me to do in the morning. So on that list, I had journaling, I had reading, I had meditation, um, you know, I had uh making tea, I had physical activity, um, what else did I have? Like drinking my water with electrolytes. You you know the deal. And so I wrote all of these things down, and I'm like, all right, yes, they're all important, fine, but what three feeds my soul the most? What three am I gonna track? That's another thing. We do all this, all of this tracking, but what three am I gonna track? Right? Because if you try to track 10 things, it's not gonna work. So I'm like, what three am I gonna track? What feeds my soul the most? What means the most to me? And I came up with these three my meditation practice, because you know, clearly I'm a meditator, I talk about it all the time. I think that's the key to unlocking all the doors of life, right? And so, but you might not think so. For you, it may be praying, right? And I I I pray too, but you know what I mean. For you, it may be reading, it may be something else, a meditation might not be it. For you, it may be writing or or drawing something in the morning, whatever the case is. Do that, right? And so I basically have my top three things. So for me, it was meditation, journaling, and some form of physical activity. Those three things. Am I a reader? Yes, I'm looking at a book right now next to me. I read recreationally every single day, but guess what? That's like ingrained in me, right? Like, I'm a reader, and so because I'm a reader, I don't I'm not tracking that, right? Because I do it naturally, and so there's no need for me to feel the pressure to track it. It's no need for me to feel the pressure to drink water. I drink water all the time. Why am I gonna track that, right? And that's this is just me, but I'm sure if you can list 10 things that you think is very important for your morning routine, you're gonna have to prioritize. You're gonna have to just say, Okay, something has to go, and you'll still do these things. I guarantee you, all the things that feed your soul, the universe has a way where you'll end up doing them, but it's gonna come more naturally. But don't try to do them all at one time, I promise you. Right? All right, so that's the first mistake we make that you're making is you're trying to do too many things, you're trying to put in way too many habits. Pick your top three that feed your soul that's most important to you, and lock in on those. Okay, number two, and I think I've spoken about this on another video, is you're trying to live somebody else's life. I've done it. What the hell is a brain smoothie? I mean, literally, think about it. I'm sure that's a good smoothie, right? I'm sure I I saw the guy who talked about it years ago, and I saw the ingredients. Every ingredient in there is amazing, right? But just make your own smoothie, make a smoothie, right? Somebody just put ingredients in a thing and call it a brain smoothie, and now you want to make sure you do that every single day. Like the point I'm and I'm not knocking anybody, right? But the point I'm saying is like you see how you just basically are doing something that somebody else is doing, right? And so I'll be honest with you, I don't even like making smoothies the first thing in the morning, and I was doing that. I prefer to have a smoothie after I work out, right? I go to rowing practice in the morning or when I'm going to the gym. That's when I like a smoothie because that's when I put my creatine in the smoothie, right? I don't like doing that stuff before I work out, but I was doing it because some guy on YouTube was doing it every single morning, and he said this would save me, right? So stop living someone else's life. I really I'm telling you, I've done so many, you know, helpful habits, helpful practices just because another person was doing it, and that person had absolutely nothing to do with my current circumstance in my life, right? Um, so that's the second biggest mistake our dads are making when it comes to just trying to be all um everything when it comes to self-development. And the last one, man, this last one is probably a deeper one. Um, but you're on this channel because you have the capacity to understand this. And so the third one is okay, you're trying too hard to be to take on things as the future version of you while not realizing that all the evidence around you is still pointing that you're still the version of you that you're not trying to be. I felt like that was a wild way to explain that, but if you really play it in slow motion, you'll understand it, right? And so, what I'm trying to say is we all know by now that your mind, your brain doesn't know the difference between you being happy physically or you being rich materialistically and you feeling those emotions and and feeling into that, so you can be pissed broke and like really feel secure, freedom, and your brain will think that you're rich. Okay, we we know this by now, but sometimes you got to meet your brain where you are. In general, we should do that more. We should meet people where they are. Uh, right, and so you should meet your mind where your mind is, meet your brain where your brain is. And so, what I mean by that is don't look at the person who is probably the future you, who you want to be, the guy who has the huge home, the guy who has the cars, the guy who looks like he's emotionally secure with himself, right? Cool. That guy is probably running a tight ship in life, right? That dude probably gets all the things done every day, but that's not where you are. So, what you should do is pick. This goes back to the first one, actually, is pick one or two things, right? Pick one or two things that you know that that guy is doing, that you know that the the your future you. When I say that guy, the future you, what is he doing? What is he thinking of? How is he moving right now in life? You could probably pick 11 things, but don't do that. Just pick one or two, don't overcomplicate your brain, right? Because you can't say, I'm gonna do all these 11 things that future me does, but every single day you're living the same life, and so your your brain is like, Well, this is not adding up, bro. Right? And so just pick one or two, master that, and just see how your life changes on a day-to-day basis, and then you'll be like, huh, okay. And then now, universe starts blessing you, different things start coming up in your in your atmosphere, different opportunities start coming up, right? And so this is important for me to tell you as well, because when I speak to dads about this stuff, the most important thing I tell them, well, everything is important in my opinion, but one of the most important things I tell them is like, bro, you have to be this amazing father, but you also have to be this amazing individual. And so, how can you be a great dad if you're always letting yourself down all the time? How can you be a great dad if you're not taking care of your body, right? You got to fill your own cup. So I tell people this all the time, and so this is a part of the situation where you have to actually work on yourself for yourself, be okay with that. It's not don't have any dad guild around that, right? Be okay with that. So those are my my my three. Um, yeah, man. And if this resonated at all, I would check out my journal in the description, check out my website for more resources. Um, if anything, just pass it along as somebody who you know is a dad and is really struggling with trying to be the best version of himself and the best version of his role as a dad. Because truthfully, these three things are probably holding him back in the whole self-help journey. And so, one, trying to do way too many things, two, trying to emulate someone else's life, and three, trying to act as if right, you're already that person too much. Right, if that makes any sense. Just a little too much. Scale it back a bit, meet yourself where you are, and be better day by day. I'll catch y'all next week.