The Mindful Dad
The Mindful Dad Podcast is where modern fathers come to reconnect—with themselves, their children, and what truly matters.
I’m your host, Odeani McBean, a mindful fatherhood coach and creator of the 365 Dad Journal. This show is for dads who want to break free from outdated parenting norms and lead with heart, presence, and purpose.
Each week, we dive into the deeper layers of fatherhood, exploring mindfulness, emotional intelligence, spiritual growth, and self-awareness. From letting go of control to healing childhood wounds, we cover the real stuff that helps you show up fully—not just as a dad, but as your highest self.
Expect practical tips, thought-provoking reflections, and honest conversations about what it really means to be a conscious, connected father in today’s world.
Whether you’re balancing a 9-to-5, side gigs, full blown entrepreneurship, or navigating the highs and lows of fatherhood, this podcast will help you slow down, breathe deeper, and parent with more presence and intention.
Because mindful dads don’t just raise better kids—they become better men.
🎧 New episodes every Tuesday. Subscribe and start your mindful fatherhood journey today.
The Mindful Dad
Presence Over Perfection: Embracing Authentic Fatherhood
Odeani explores why your children need your authentic presence rather than a perfectionist version of yourself.
1:52 Celebrating 25 Episodes
3:08 Presence Over Perfection
9:20 Why Perfectionism Creates Disconnection
16:08 Embracing Presence Makes Bonds Stronger
22:35 Practical Ways to Drop Expectations
28:36 Guided Reflection: The Gift of Being Fully Seen
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Daddy, daddy, dad, self-reflection the best gift that you can give someone Is a gift that will allow them to look inward. Mindfulness Look at my head, it's so big. Wait, do your routine, though. Remember to breathe. Strengthening relationships yes, you do, you do. Yes, you do Community building. I thought about all the dads who must be going through what I'm going through.
Speaker 1:Welcome to the Mindful Dad Podcast. I'm your host, odini McBean, entrepreneur, devoted father of two and a fellow dad figuring this all out, just like you. This is the space where modern dads like you explore what it really means to lead with heart, presence and purpose. Each week, we dive into the deeper side of fatherhood mindfulness, self-awareness, emotional connection and how to show up fully, not just as a dad, but as your highest self. So take a deep breath, slow down and let's explore the path of mindful fatherhood together. Happy Tuesday, family.
Speaker 1:Welcome back to yet another episode of the Mindful Dad podcast. Actually, this is episode number 25. So I am actually really excited about this episode because it started at zero and here we are 25 episodes later. So we've been through it all. We've been through the name change, the artwork change, the release date and times change, and I'm just happy to have been able to start this process and for everybody that listens to me weekly, all the new listeners we get, I'm just very appreciative. I'm very grateful for this entire process. So, episode 25, I believe there was an episode prior where I said, once I get to 25, I'm definitely going to pat myself on the back. So in the words of my dearly missed friend Sharp, he always said, pat yourself on the back, man, pat yourself on the back. So this one's for you, sharp, episode 25. Man.
Speaker 1:So before we jump into today's topic, I just want to give a shout out to this New Jersey weather. It's 64 degrees today and if you know anything about me, you know I'm Jamaican and I just have a warm weather affinity. I just have an affinity for that warm weather, that sun. I went on like an hour walk today with my best friend and my sister. So I'm just extremely excited about this weather and I can't wait to go hiking Like this just man hiking season is among us. I can't wait to go hiking. This Just man hiking season is among us. I can't wait to go hiking, all right.
Speaker 1:So today's topic we're talking about presence over perfection, right? Why? Your kids need you, not an idealized version of you, not that perfect superhero version of you, but why they need you and all that comes with you. So that is going to be the ups, that's going to be the downs, that's going to be the lefts, that's going to be the rights, right, why do your kids need you as a whole and not just this made up, always perfect image of you? So when was the last time you let yourself just be? So that's. I'm going to start this episode off with that question. Right, think about it. When was the last time you let yourself just be? No striving, no fixing, not trying to be what society would call that perfect dad? Right, just being there, fully present and fully engaged.
Speaker 1:I always say that most dads carry what's called this quiet pressure. It's that belief that we need to be more Obviously and to jump right into this. I'll be honest with you. I used to get this and I still get this. Sometimes people always compliment you know how I'm such a great dad, I'm such a present dad and while I appreciate that, sometimes I realize it's like yo, like I'm actually doing what I'm expected to be doing right, like I'm seeing my kids, especially from the dynamic I'm in as a co-parent, I, I'm seeing my kids as much as I can. I'm everywhere all at once. I'm emotional with them, I'm teaching them, I'm being vulnerable with them, I'm letting them lead, I'm leading. I'm just doing everything that I could do to be the best dad I could be.
Speaker 1:But the problem is society is going to throw at you that that's not the case mostly, and that's a narrative. By the way, I'm sure if you run in numbers, there's more single moms and single dads, and we want to give a big shout out to the moms. That's holding it down without father presence. But to hear that repeatedly, it just puts you now on a pedestal and it makes you want to just do the most, be extra, be this perfect person.
Speaker 1:When this idea of perfection is of being a perfectionist in your role as a dad, because, remember, it's just a role. It's a mighty important role, right, but it's just a role. It's not what defines you, it's not who you are at your true nature, right, without you being a quote, unquote dad, you would still be this presence, you would still be this awareness. So people tend to really cling to this role and that comes with so much value but so much unnecessary and unrealistic expectations, and that's because that's just the pressure that we carry in society, right? So we always want to be more of us, more of something, right? I'm always working on my patience, I'm always working on my discipline as a dad, I'm always working on being successful, attaining more so I can take care of my children, and it's just more and more of everything. We're always striving for more and more when it comes to being a dad, and self-improvement is great.
Speaker 1:I've been on the self-improvement hamster world for some time and that pursuit can turn into perfectionism and we actually create the very thing we're trying to avoid, which is that disconnection from our kids. My dad strove to just provide, provide, provide, got to provide, got to give everything, got to be the one to give everything, and it took me 27 years to realize that my dad loves me and I love him because for 27 years I didn't see that. I never saw that because he was trying so hard to provide. Connection gone you know what I'm saying. The bonding moments with my dad gone Side note, you all got it. You can't see this right now because I don't think I'm going to YouTube this one, but I am holding this huge microphone because it broke off the desk and I haven't had the patience to fix it. So I'm holding this huge microphone with this mic stand on my lap. It's a crazy sight to see right now.
Speaker 1:But back to what I was saying before with my dad, like he strove to just be like this perfect provider and it totally disconnected us Totally. So you don't want that to happen in your child dad relationship, right? Just a high level of what we're going to drop into today. We're going to talk about why the need to be a perfect dad is going to push our kids further away, as I just gave you an example in my own right. We're going to talk about just how simply being present is right and how that truly matters.
Speaker 1:The biggest thing about being like a mindful dad and a present dad is it's so simple, but we tend to overthink it all. It's so simple and, as always, I'm just going to give practical ways that we can drop the expectations and just show up fully as our true self, like imperfections and all. So that's what we're going to get into and, as always, I'm saying as always, like I've been doing this. I've only done this one prior episode, but I'm going to bring back the guided meditation. I got a lot of good feedback on that. So at the end I'm going to do a guided, a guided reflection where you can really sit still and inquire to yourself in stillness.
Speaker 1:How can you put presence over perfection? And where are some areas in your current role as dad where you see that you are not putting presence over perfection? And, as always, if you're driving an automobile, just don't take this meditation too seriously. Get to the house, get to the job and then re-listen to this and go ahead and tap into the meditation. All right.
Speaker 1:So why striving for perfection creates disconnection? We always talk about this illusion of the perfect dad, right? Like I said before, I remember one time I was really going through it and I'm like man, I can't let my son see me like this, right? Because someone told me one time, like we always got to have this superhero cape on. Actually, no one told me that directly. I remember where I saw this. I saw it on TV Dwayne Wade, hall of Fame basketball player, a legend. He was talking about how he always wants his son to like his children to see him as a superhero and I thought that was good advice at the time. And until I start really going through some tough life moments and I was trying, I was trying to put the cape on.
Speaker 1:My son can't see me, he can't see me being vulnerable, he can't see me being weak. And I just said you know what, at the time, caleb was my only child. He was you know, he's a boy, I'm a man. So I felt like just connecting on a much deeper level with him would be better for me. So, instead of hiding what I was going through, I just was like you know what these are my flaws right now and I'm just going to be open with him and, like I always tell you all on this podcast, those three years of my life when I was really in the pits, I just know those three years and me bringing him into that time of my life on a more, not just on the surface level, I know for a fact those three years has huge impact on the bond that he and I share today, which is the best bond I could ever ask for a father son relationship, right, and I told you all before I am going to do the same thing with my daughter, right, she's three. But when she starts getting to that point where she has some capacity for emotional and vulnerability. I'm going to tell her exactly what I'm going through obviously in nuggets, right, but I'm going to let her see a different side of dad. I'm going to let her see a softer side of dad. I'm going to let her see a more vulnerable side of dad and I know that is going to positively not just impact our relationship, it's going to positively impact the man that she chooses. I know it will. I do a lot of work when it comes to this inner child work and especially when it comes to daughters and their dads. So I'm going to be very open with her and I know it's going to positively impact the people that comes into her creator field, the men that comes into her electromagnetic field. So just know that this whole perfection trap it actually creates tension instead of connection Because, in my opinion at least, it sets an impossible standard.
Speaker 1:Like the kids watch every single thing you do. I think a couple episodes ago I talked about how we should love our body as men, as dads, how it is now, while trying to improve it. Right, if you don't like how your body looks, yeah, go to the gym, be physical, eat the whole foods and get on your A game when it comes to physical fitness, but you don't have to hate your body while you're improving it. And somebody on TikTok made a great point. She was like your kids are always watching. So if you are down talking yourself negative self-talk about how you look, they are then watching that and they're then going to duplicate, copy the same type of behavior, the same type of self-talk. So we really want to make sure that we're not setting an impossible standard, not just for us, but for our children that are watching.
Speaker 1:Right, because, also, I realized this whenever I try to be like the perfect dad, I feel like I become like less relatable to my kids and a lot of things, topics I touch on. I always bring up Caleb because he's 13. And a lot of the times I'm going through phases of trying to be a perfect dad and not to see him drifting away, sometimes Like bro, it's not that serious, all right. So we really have to find this balance of not trying to be this figure that's almost mystical to our kids, because it's going to make us less relatable. That's how I feel about it. They don't see a real person. You want them to see a real person. They see someone that's always on. You know what I'm saying. Like it's kind of like unreachable at all. Man, that dude is unreachable.
Speaker 1:So I could share with you a time when I felt like I wasn't measuring up as a dad and what I was trying to prove. I could see that it was negatively impacting my relationship with my son. And a big moment came when I was in my custody battle and I was not financially stable as I would have liked to be. And I'm like I am not about to tell him anything about financial struggles. As long as I'm putting food on the table some way, somehow we are going to get it done. And I just tried so hard to always act as if I had more than I really did.
Speaker 1:And there was this moment where he was asking for something and because I had acted like everything was great when I didn't have it and I expressed to him I didn't have it, he was so shocked. He was just like I don't understand. He almost thought I was trying to spite him or I was trying to not give him something that he felt he deserved, something that he felt he deserved, and I couldn't even come to grips in the moment to be like son. Actually, what happens is I'm going through some things and I can't afford this. We don't even want to say things like that to our children in general. You can't afford that because that's a scarcity mindset and we don't want to operate from lack. But the point being is I couldn't in the moment keep it real with him and tell him like this has nothing to do with you, but he thought it had everything to do with him and that's because I had just been faking the funk for a while. I had been faking the funk and it was almost as if, well, my dad can afford anything Like, so now he's like purposely withholding from me. So just remember, then. Trying to be perfect, trying to be somebody you're not in real time, creates, I think, emotional distance, something about presence. Right now I'm going to just talk about how embracing presence makes the bond stronger with your kids.
Speaker 1:Kids don't remember perfect moments, I'm telling you. We think they do, but they really don't. I remember a time when and this still happens, but I've shared this on this podcast before where summer vacations, like Caleb and I, I get him for two weeks every summer for summer vacation. I remember when his mom, when she does her week, they would go places like exotic. They would go to these very nice places, which I'm very grateful that he gets to have those experiences.
Speaker 1:And I remember, man, I was super sad when it was my vacation weeks with him. I was like, man, we can't do that, you know what I'm saying. I was like I could take you to Dave and Buster's right, I could take you to Dave and Buster's. We can go play basketball every day, like we can go to a movie, but I can't go on no Disney cruise with you. And I just remember feeling like a bad dad because I just could not live up to that same level of world experiences.
Speaker 1:And one day we were in the car and I just straight up told him this. I was like, bro, this is what I'm thinking about. And he was like that, like, yes, I enjoy going out with my mom, my family and going to different countries. But he was like that I equally enjoy going to the courts with you. I equally enjoy sitting on the couch watching Martin with you. I equally enjoy watching basketball highlights watching Martin with you. I equally enjoy watching basketball highlights on YouTube with you. And that was one of the biggest moments for me in parenting was just to hear him tell me that I don't have to worry about matching experiences because he equally loves what I provide for him, and but you leave it up to me trying to be the perfect dad. I would have never known that. And I actually did a little research because, for people who are new to this podcast, I am somebody who researches tons and tons of stuff for my own self-improvement, but I don't like to bring studies and stuff like that into the podcast world because I want to give you practical tips, practical advice for you to show up better into the studies. It takes away from you experiencing it, you know, because it's almost like oh well, studies say this, so clearly I need to do this, and it's like no studies say this, but that may look different for you. It's all about your unique experience.
Speaker 1:Studies show that kids who feel like emotionally connected to their parents, they grow up more resilient and more secure. And I believe that because I'm going to tell you something I always say my kid is so resilient. I always say that about Caleb. I'm like Caleb is one of the most resilient kids I know and that could be on any level. That could be him playing basketball and having a terrible game and then all of a sudden the next game bouncing back and having 30. That could be him playing basketball and shooting one for 10 from the field and then the very next game going 10 for 10 from the field. Very resilient kid, you know. From that to to life experiences. You know him having to travel this long distances all the time to spend time with different parents but still show up as a emotional and a social, a socially connected kid. Connected kid. He had a surgery that had his appendix removed, had to miss two months of basketball, but throughout that process he was resilient, throughout the whole recovery process he was just so resilient. So I always say Caleb is one tough kid and he's very resilient. And it doesn't shock me, that's the case with him.
Speaker 1:And that connection doesn't come from getting it right. Oh, my kids are resilient because we're emotionally connected, because I get it right all the time. It does not come from that, it just comes from showing up consistently. That's the thing about it. It comes from it's like habits, almost right. It's like how you do these small habits consistently, daily, every day. You just do these small habits and over time you look back. You're like dang I just read 20 books because all I did was read 10 pages a day. You're like dang, like I meal prepped two to three times a week and I lost 15 pounds. But you don't realize it because you're doing these small things daily and over time, you see the big win.
Speaker 1:You could think about that when it comes to showing up, especially showing up emotionally for your children. Just continue to have the small conversations, just continue to apologize when you know you need to, just continue to be understanding and continue to be open. Right, so, the presence as you are is enough, and that's what I'm always stressing when I speak to dads is the presence that you are. That is enough. That is enough. I'm telling you, society, instagram, the internet, people you come in contact with they will not on purpose, but they will make you feel like you are not doing enough. But I promise you, the more you show up consistently as your true self, the more you show up consistently as your true self, the more secure and the more loved your kids are going to feel, especially as adults.
Speaker 1:All right, so let's talk about some practical ways to drop this level of expectations and just show up as a true self level of expectations and just show up as it's yourself, right? So what you want to do is start noticing unrealistic expectations you place on yourself, like seriously and it's going to take you to be a real vulnerable and a real aware man to even be honest with yourself and coin something as unrealistic. It's going to take a lot for you to do that, but that's the game that we're into. We're into the self-awareness game, right? So start noticing things that you're like wait, do I really need to put that much pressure on that? Think about that. Instead of thinking I should be more patient, more fun, more successful.
Speaker 1:Shift to something like what does my child actually need in this moment from me? That's that. I would say that is probably the biggest. I'm always saying something is the biggest thing. I'm a creature of habit, but I'm honest when I say it has been huge for me to start looking at things from a different lens. I should be more patient, I should be more fun, I should be more successful. No, no, no, no, no, no. What does my child actually need from me in this moment? Because one moment you may need to be more patient. The other moment you may need to be on patient. The other moment you may need to be on it, and you know what I mean, right? The next moment you may need to be more fun, but the next moment you may have to be a little more stern, you may have to set great expectations. So just think about that In any given moment. What does my kid actually need from me? And so, when it comes to that, I always got a little mini mindfulness practice to go with everything, because I'm just a huge believer in being present and doing these little practices that we always say, oh, I'm too busy, I'm too busy, I'm such a busy man, I'm such a busy dad.
Speaker 1:At the end of the day, you need to prioritize the things. That will not only make you have more clarity about yourself, but will also help your children have more clarity on where they stay and you know where they are in your priorities, right? So the next time you feel like you're not doing enough, just pause and just ask yourself and that's all you got to do. That's the practice. Pause and say is this my expectation or my child's actual need? Think about that. Think about that. Is this my expectation or what my kid actually needs, right? Shift from need to do more or do I need to be here and most of the times you just need to be there, right?
Speaker 1:Focus on the small. I call them micro moments. If you Google it, they might say words like intentional moments, but I like micro moments and I'm a big fan of the word intentional as well but I call them micro moments and I'm a big fan of the word intentional as well, but I call them micro moments. Focus on those small micro moments that, if I'm being honest, we skip over so much. We skip over the small micro moments. I just gave you the example about how Caleb said I enjoy being on a couch with you watching Martin just as much as I enjoy being in some other country with my other side of the family. I let that moment slip away. I should have known that. Now, when I look back at it, I'm like man. We be on the couch cracking up right, he's in tears and we are dying laughing, and he's having the time of his life. We're on the basketball court, he's in his element, he's in his flow. But because I'm so worried about not providing more, I missed those moments.
Speaker 1:It took me to reflect back on experiences to realize those moments. Imagine that feeling you would get as a dad. If you just realize those moments as they were happening, you get to cherish that even more. So just do some check-ins with yourself. What am I doing here, exactly right? And so one of my biggest ways that I put connection over performance is I am a huge I love you guy. Like I tell my daughter and my son I love you Regardless of whatever is happening.
Speaker 1:So the big part of the I love you thing is it needs to come without a reason, like it doesn't need to be. Oh, I love you so much because you did this, oh, you did such a good job here. Oh, you said this and that made me feel so proud. I love you son. Oh, I love you baby girl. No, it needs to come just regardless. You need to be saying I love you out of the blue. Right, kids need to hear that. Even when they get to a certain age, they're going to know like oh, my dad loves me. They need to hear it because I am telling you, I never heard those words growing up. I only heard I love you from my dad maybe once or twice, and it was when I was being scolded, right. It was like how could you do this? We work so hard. You know we love you, and that was it. Once or twice he said that to me throughout my entire life. I can go down a whole rabbit hole of how that affected me and the way I showed up as an adult. So they need to hear that. So, for no reason at all, tell your kids you love them.
Speaker 1:All right, so we are now going to jump into our closing guided reflection, guided meditation. I'm gonna call this one the gift of being fully seen. Alright, so what you want to do is go ahead and close your eyes, if that feels good for you. Take some deep, intentional breaths, wherever you are, if you're not driving. Think to yourself. Visualize your child in front of you. Not the idea of them, not who you want them to become. Just them as they are right now. Just them as they are right now. Visualize their face, down to the little details, the way they smile, the way they light up when they see you after a long day of work. If you have younger children, you know when you pick them up from daycare, the way they run to the door. Just think of your child in that way.
Speaker 1:Now ask yourself, what if I'm already the dad they need.
Speaker 1:What if I don't have to be more, just more present?
Speaker 1:I'm going to say it again what if I am already the dad they need? What if I don't have to be more, just more present? What if, in this very moment, I am enough? So take a deep breath in and let go the need to be perfect on your out breath you want to breathe into that feeling of being enough and let go on the out-breath, the need to be perfect. Let go of the pressure to have all the answers and instead just step fully into the blessing you have of actually being here, because right here, in this moment, this is where fatherhood truly happens. It's in the small moments, it's in the moments you become so self-aware. That's when the magic happens in being a dad. So take one more deep breath in, exhale slowly and remember your kids don't need a perfect dad. They just need you Fully here, fully present. Sit with that thought for a couple seconds and when you're ready, you can open your eyes or simply bring awareness back to where you are. And if this resonated, I invite you to carry this presence with you today. Go out throughout your day, whether this be in the morning, midday, even if you're listening to this at night for tomorrow. Just carry this presence of breathing into being enough, as you are as a dad man, thank you. Thank you so much for listening. I appreciate everyone. Everyone, as always, please share, continue to share the podcast to dads who you feel this type of information, these type of self-awareness practices will be of benefit to. So just please continue to share the episode. Please continue to rate the episode on Apple and Spotify. And, as always, the universe is made up of 99.999% light, so I am sending you all light. Thank you so much.
