The Mindful Dad
The Mindful Dad Podcast is where modern fathers come to reconnect—with themselves, their children, and what truly matters.
I’m your host, Odeani McBean, a mindful fatherhood coach and creator of the 365 Dad Journal. This show is for dads who want to break free from outdated parenting norms and lead with heart, presence, and purpose.
Each week, we dive into the deeper layers of fatherhood, exploring mindfulness, emotional intelligence, spiritual growth, and self-awareness. From letting go of control to healing childhood wounds, we cover the real stuff that helps you show up fully—not just as a dad, but as your highest self.
Expect practical tips, thought-provoking reflections, and honest conversations about what it really means to be a conscious, connected father in today’s world.
Whether you’re balancing a 9-to-5, side gigs, full blown entrepreneurship, or navigating the highs and lows of fatherhood, this podcast will help you slow down, breathe deeper, and parent with more presence and intention.
Because mindful dads don’t just raise better kids—they become better men.
🎧 New episodes every Tuesday. Subscribe and start your mindful fatherhood journey today.
The Mindful Dad
The Illusion of Parental Control: Finding Peace in Surrender
Surrendering the illusion of control as a father opens the door to deeper connections with our children and greater inner peace. Through personal stories and mindfulness practices, we explore how letting go creates space for authentic relationships to flourish.
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Is that it, daddy, dad, self-reflection. The best gift that you can give someone Is a gift that will allow them to look inward. Mindfulness Look at my head, it's so big. Wait, do your routine, though. Remember to breathe. Strengthening relationships I do, you do. I do Community building. I thought about all the dads who must be going through what I'm going through.
Speaker 1:Welcome to the Mindful Dad Podcast. I'm your host, odini McBean, entrepreneur, devoted father of two and a fellow dad figuring this all out, just like you. This is the space where modern dads like you explore what it really means to lead with heart, presence and purpose. Each week, we dive into the deeper side of fatherhood mindfulness, self-awareness, emotional connection and how to show up fully, not just as a dad, but as your highest self. So take a deep breath, highest self. So take a deep breath, slow down and let's explore the path of mindful fatherhood together. Happy Tuesday, family man.
Speaker 1:Welcome back to the initial or another episode of the Mindful Dad podcast. Yes, we have rebranded, and this is the first episode with the new name, new cover, a new intro, new everything. I just want to give a shout out to the folks who my text message when I had like 30 names, and the ones who have really helped me narrow it down to the mindful dad podcast. I just wanted a change in things. The 365 dad podcast was really good, but it did not tell folks what, how deep we got on these topics Like 365 dad. What does that mean? That just means okay, like I'm listening to a podcast where a guy is going to talk about being a dad every day of the year. Some people, like me, are co-parents, so even though I'm a dad every day of the year, I don't necessarily have that main responsibility every day of the year, and I just felt like I wanted to connect with every single dad, no matter what how you viewed yourself as a father as far as your responsibilities. I just wanted to connect with every dad to show them that we can tap into this new level, this higher level of intuition, this higher level of emotional connection.
Speaker 1:All right, so this week we're talking about something I know a lot of us struggle with as dads, and that is the need to control, whether it's trying to manage our kids' behavior, especially out of the home. Control how things play out, even if we're like holding ourselves to unrealistic expectations. That constant gripping can leave us feeling stressed and disconnected for sure. So in today's episode, we're gonna explore why I think control is really just an illusion. Right? This is all about how we're perceiving it.
Speaker 1:Be open-minded and agree with me in the beginning that control is an illusion, and I'm going to try to give you real life, practical advice and knowledge to help you shape how you view control and where it really stems from, because usually it's more about fear than anything and I'll also guide you through a reflection at the end of the episode. So this is something new I'm going to do each episode. I love reflections, I love meditations, so doing this for you all is going to be great for me. Obviously, if you are driving or handling an automobile, you are driving or handling an automobile. Do not get too invested into this reflection. I would probably wait until you're at work or you're at home. If you're at work, you go take a little break. If you're at home, go take a break and you can do this guided reflection, because we don't want any accidents because of the Mindful Dad podcast.
Speaker 1:All right, so let's just dive right in to why letting go of control is something that is beneficial for us and our children and families, and why we need to embrace the flow of that. So the first thing I'm going to talk about is why is control an illusion in parenting? Now, remember this is a good little quote that I came across the tighter you grip, the more it slips. This is so true on so many levels. So let's just keep it in parenting real quick. You ever realize the more you want to convince your child to think a certain way or do something, that's the more that they're going to not want to do that. Right, and I'm going to give you this perfect example.
Speaker 1:Caleb and I got into this. It's like a little crazy argument I wouldn't say crazy, but it was. Tempers were kind of flaring because we went to Barnes and Nobles the other day and obviously he has the kind of books that he would prefer to read and as a father, I have some books that I think he should be reading for his age level, where he is with his emotional awareness and so forth. So we're in Barnes and Nobles and we're looking at books and instantly he goes to these books that are truly books that I think he should be over reading by now, like books, you know, the Dog man series and things like that. I'm like come on, bro, you're in a seventh grade. We got to start reading books that give you more emotional intelligence, right? So now that's look, that's me trying to be controlling. I'm just going to, I'm just going to call it for what it is, because, at the end of the day, at least he's picking up a book.
Speaker 1:Right, this man reads I'm not even joking with you over 60 books a year, and a lot of the books he's reading some are those little books where it's just like a comic, but he also reads a lot of novels. It's hard for us to keep that in mind while we're in this controlling phase. Right, we're in Barnes and Nobles and I'm like all right, read this book. He's not a fan of it, but he's also remember the tighter you grip, the more it slips.
Speaker 1:I'm trying my hardest to get him to want this book. He's never even read the first page, but because I'm trying so hard, he's not even giving it a chance. Right, he's just like no, absolutely not, I don't want it. These are the books I want. So what do I do? I override what he wants and I add the book that I want him to read to the books that I buy him, the books that I buy him.
Speaker 1:So we get in the car and he says something like why would you waste $10 on a book that you know I'm not going to read? So that pissed me off. I'll be honest, I'm like you know what I'm trying and you know I go into the thing. You know what the thing is. I go into the thing about how grateful he should be and how I'm trying my hardest and I'm driving this distance to spend this time with them. Right, I do the thing and we're probably going to have a whole nother episode on the thing, but you know what the thing is. So I do the thing to like make him in all sincerity. I wanted to make him understand the effort I was putting in, but at the end of the day it doesn't sound good. So I go through that process and we don't even talk. For like 10 minutes left in a car ride, we don't even talk because he's mad that I'm mad that he's mad that I bought him a book. So that's a situation where I'm trying to control the situation and it does not go well. The tighter you grip, the more it slips.
Speaker 1:Think about when you were a kid the more your parents try to get you to not do something, the more of a chance that you probably will do it. So let's look at the nature of control. So when I say this, you can Google stuff like this, but it really makes more sense if you try to have an open mind but also think like in your own experience. Dang. Where does that? That does make sense because I can relate to it with this particular experience.
Speaker 1:Control in parenting often comes from a place of love and responsibility. I just want to put that out there, like I really think at its core, when we try to be controlling as parents, it's because it's coming from a place of love, right, it's coming from a place of wanting our kids to be safe. We want the best for our kids. That's just the reality. But the idea that we can fully control outcomes such as their behavior, their emotions, their life path, what they choose to like and not like, that is an illusion. And it's an illusion because we got to understand that life is unpredictable. And it's an illusion because we got to understand that life is unpredictable. It is inherently unpredictable.
Speaker 1:Kids are their own beings with unique thoughts, emotions and experiences, just like you. You are not going to have the same exact belief and emotions and thoughts as your next door neighbor, right, you may resonate with a lot of things, you may have some things in common, but you are literally living your own unique experience and that's based off of your own unique past experiences. Right, trying to control our kids really disconnects us from the reality of their individuality and we really have to understand that they are individuals. They're not like projects, they're not things. They are truly their own selves. So we have to ease up on trying to control. So here are some examples.
Speaker 1:I can think of the illusion, right? So I gave you a perfect one. So think of a time where you try to control the situation, right, I bet you. You can think of a time where it escalated rather than resolved. You really tried to control the situation and it just ended up being worse. I promise you, with Caleb, every single time, we are somewhere and I try to put my foot down. And now, when I say put my foot down, let's understand something there's a difference between trying to be controlling with things that we should not be Right, and then there's the difference of you're truly you're. You know for a fact. This is the best, this is the best thing that will put them on the right path. This is the best thing that, in the immediate moment, will give them the result even they want, but they just can't see it. Those are two different things, right?
Speaker 1:So, for example, caleb plays basketball and we're getting ready for his games. Sometimes I want him to put different swag on, right. I want him to wear instead of wearing that same kind of undershirt. Yo, switch it up. Wear this Instead of wearing the same leggings. Yo switch it up. Wear the leggings with the same leggings. Yo switch it up, wear the leggings with the knee pads in them. And sometimes I'm like yo, you don't want to, like you should wear this instead. And he's like no, now the attire he wears to the basketball game will not have any effect on how well he performs, but it will make me feel good because I wanted him to wear it. Right, I wanted him to switch up the look a bit. And the more and more we go back and forth with that, it just it never resolves. He then he's going to tell me something like it's not what I want to wear, like, why do you want to force me to wear it? And we have to understand it's an illusion Like he does not have to do that because I am asking him or, even worse, telling him to do that. He doesn't have to do that if he doesn't want to. He's like he's his own kid.
Speaker 1:I don't know if your children throw tantrums in public or not. I don't judge people who deal with these experiences, but sometimes I see folks in the grocery store and their child is like throwing a tantrum, like a full on tantrum, and the way that you can handle it is multiple ways. One of the funniest ways that I have seen is handled is with a parent is just like whatever they are, like letting the kid go on the floor, roll around and scream. And sometimes when I look at that, you know I'm not a perfect human being, right, I tend to judge, like we all do, but I'm aware of it and my ultimate goal is to not judge right. That's how I want to live my life. But at times I see it happen and sometimes I'm a little judgy and I'm like, bro, get this little boy off the floor, get this little girl off the floor. And that's because I'm not perceiving it in a certain lens. So if I'm perceiving it in a lens of controlling is good. I'm like yo get this boy off the floor. But think about it this way that parent has surrendered, right, they have surrendered and they're like you know what? This is how you're going to behave. I'm going to let you do this and when we get home, however you choose to do your discipline. This is where we're going to talk about why this is not good behavior. I have, thankfully, not have to have dealt with a in-store tantrum as of yet. My daughter is only three, so we'll see what happens, but I haven't had to deal with that as of yet. Caleb has never done that, thankfully.
Speaker 1:But in my experience of seeing it, I realized that the parents who let it ride it ends a lot sooner. Have you realized that the parents who just let it go, it ends way sooner than the parents who are like get up what you doing? When they do that, the kid, it pushes. The kid pushes back almost all the time. The tighter you grip, the more it slips right. So when I see parents do that, I'm like oh, she gets it. Oh, he gets it. When they just let the kid do their thing, what would you rather have happen? The kid do their thing. What would you rather have happen. The kid do their thing, and this is how they're choosing to express their anger emotions. They do that for 30 seconds, which can feel like a lifetime in this situation, as opposed to the kid who is doing that for five minutes, because for five minutes the parent is trying to control the situation Wild. Right, I know, that's just an example of an illusion. So another thing that we have to stop controlling our kids with is like micromanaging their like routines, the choices they make. Those can backfire on you and it can lead to like power struggles.
Speaker 1:I'm going to give you another Caleb example. I love to journal. Right, I journal every day. I love to meditate. It's truly a passion of mine. So clearly, once my son is of age, I'm going to want him to journal. I'm going to think this is the best thing for him to do.
Speaker 1:So I put a journal in Caleb's hands since he was probably like I don't know seven, and when he's with me, especially in the mornings, we journal. Now he acts like he's okay with it and I do think sometimes he enjoys it, but the reality is he doesn't enjoy it all the time, and one time I was like this is recently. I go make sure you make the bed and make sure you journal what you're grateful for before you do X, y, z. And I could tell he was like bro. I'm not into this right now. I mean, I could tell he was like bro. I do not want to journal and I'm like why not? He's like because I just don't enjoy it every single time.
Speaker 1:And in that moment I could have continued to fight with him, right, like this is the best thing for you. I'm telling you you're going to be a better person because of this. Or I could understand where he's coming from and I could be like he is literally in the seventh grade. He just turned 13. I don't necessarily think this is something that he wants to do, so I can put it his way, I can make him aware of it, I can introduce it to him. And if he chooses to journal, awesome. And you know what's funny? I've seen him journal on his own several times and that alone makes me feel a lot better than the moments where I'm like make sure you journal before you touch a TV. Make sure you do this If he has journaled, because I've told him to 30 times, I've enjoyed watching him doing it the five times without my instruction, way more than the 30 times that he's done it because of my instruction.
Speaker 1:So we got to pay attention to how we're like micromanaging the routines and their choices From a spiritual point of view. We got to remember life flows way more freely when we release attachment. Especially when we release attachment to specific outcomes, like parenting becomes way less about molding and more about guiding when we look at it from a spiritual perspective. I try to put everything in a spiritual perspective, whether it's my business, whether it's my nine to five, whether it's my parenting, if I'm dating, whatever it may be, my friendships, I try to approach it all from a spiritual perspective. And we got to remember releasing attachment to certain outcomes gives us the best, the best shot at it going the way that we're actually, you know, desiring.
Speaker 1:I'm going to give you another personal example. My son has a different mom than my daughter. So my daughter is three years old. As dedicated listeners of the show knows, kenley, her mom, earlier in January texted me and basically told me she's moving to Virginia. So she has her reasons, she's moving to Virginia and she's going to take our daughter with us.
Speaker 1:Now, upon hearing this, I obviously was crushed, hurt, disappointed the whole nine Right, I always said, oh, I never really wanted to be like a summer dad, like I don't really know what that's like. I really want to be around my children as much as I can, as much as I have the capacity for, and I couldn't imagine like going like months without seeing my kids. Now, this is no knock to anybody who this is a situation you're in, because I'm well aware now that I was almost in that situation before, how easily anyone can be in that situation, right, because of logistics. So this is no knock. Now, I just didn't want it for myself. So she told me she was moving to Virginia and she told me she was moving in like a month. Obviously, I state my concerns, but in a way I said to her and I promise you I text her this I said, as disappointed as I am in this, I said I know that there's love in this moment somewhere and I'm just going to try to find the love in the moment and I am going to just go with it.
Speaker 1:So a couple of weeks go by, right, like maybe a month go by and we're getting closer to the time where my daughter is essentially about to move, six hours away. And when this happens as the days goes on, I'm like, okay, odini, do not try to control the situation. I even told her. I said I did the whole court thing with my son three-year custody battle, spent $80,000. Like, I'm sorry, but I will never go to court again, right? So I'm not going to do that, I'm not going to court, so we're just going to have to figure it out and I'm going to surrender and I'm not going to control anything.
Speaker 1:And this is how I viewed it. I, daily, I said to myself, ok, in this moment, what are the benefits? What are the positives for myself, for Kenley, for Caleb, for her mom, what are the positives of her being six hours away? And I just start thinking about things that could be of a benefit, that could be of a benefit. And once I started thinking of those things, that's what I chose to put my attention on, as opposed to trying to control the situation and have her mom not move and all these things. So, daily, that's how I was coping with. It was just trying to see the benefits of it for everyone.
Speaker 1:I go pick my daughter up Wednesday from daycare so I go to her mom. Up Wednesday from daycare so I go to her mom's house, we have the one car seat, we alternate it, you get the vibes. So I go to her mom's house to get the car seat and she tells me she's like I have news and I'm like what's up? And she's like, well, I just accepted a job in the city and you know it's in New Yorkork, so I'm gonna have to move a little further than where we are now. But it's not virginia. And I was like holy shit, like I was oh man, I cursed, I went like 22 episodes without cursing, oh man. But anyway I was like wow, I was like are you serious? And she's like, yeah, I accepted this job, it's more money and it's hybrid, but I'm moving to this place. So she's moving somewhere really close, much closer to New York.
Speaker 1:So obviously I'm like speechless because here I am thinking about how devastated my son's going to be that he's not going to be able to be around his best friend when he, as much as he's used to my nephew isn't going to be able to be around his best friend as much as he's used to. And I'm just devastated for everyone involved and because, in my opinion, spiritually, I chose to detach from trying to control the situation. I got the best news of my life. Yeah, obviously she's moving a lot further than where she is now to me, but it's way better than six hours away in Virginia. Making it work sounds a lot easier, right, an extra 30 to 40 minutes than an extra five, six hours. So that's just an example, spiritually, of how detaching can actually help us All right.
Speaker 1:So before we move on to the next point, I have a little question that I want you all to ponder about and maybe reflect on when you get the time. Where in your parenting journey have you tried to control an outcome, and how did that impact the connection with your child? All right, so the next thing we're going to talk about is this link between control and fear. Right, so behind every need for control is a hidden fear. Like. That is just what it is and that's the reality. So we can look at it this way. We can look at control as a defense mechanism, right, so often when we seek control, it's not about the surface issue, honestly. It's not about, oh, I want you to wear this. It's about the fear beneath it. If my child misbehaves, what does that mean about me? It means I'm a bad dad. Is that true? No, it's not true. But is that how we view these things? Yes, it is.
Speaker 1:So we have, like this, fear of failure. Oh, my child is throwing a tantrum in the store. That must mean I don't raise him right at home. We immediately think of stuff like that. Right, we got a fear of judgment. What will others think now that my child is acting this way at the Barnes and Nobles? What will other people think of me? Right, and then we got the fear of the unknown. Like it's like, man, if I don't guide my kid in every single step, what if they fail Now? Then that's going to look bad on me, right, if your kid don't do well, people automatically are going to blame you for it. So this is why control Is often used as a defense mechanism. So personal vulnerability when it comes to this control and fear thing and fear thing, right.
Speaker 1:I remember when fear 100% drove me to control, right? I remember I'm going to give you a good example I was in a three-year custody battle Most people know this by now going back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, and I got to the point where I was literally running out of money. Now, obviously I want to see my son as bad as his mom wants to see him. So I am, we're in the thick of it and I remember we got to the last court date and I remember I was talking to my lawyer and he was like, man, are you sure you want to keep this up? And I'm like, yeah, why not? And he's like, well, what are you really fighting for at this point? He's like these are the terms. Are you really fighting for an extra day or two? Like? He's. Like you're seeing your son a lot. It's basically almost 50 50. He's like are you, do you really think this extra day or two is worth this extra money? Because you're gonna have to pay me a lot more when we go to trial.
Speaker 1:And I, in that moment, I promise you, I was like yo dang, I feel like I'm trying to control the situation and this is why I was almost willing to go even more broke, even more in debt. At that point, I don't think it was about seeing my son, and that's the sad part about it. I already had spent three years fighting for my son and that's the sad part about it. I already had spent three years fighting for my son Once I got to this point where my lawyer straight up told me like yo, what are you doing this for? Is this truly for seeing Caleb, or what's happening? It's literally like a night or two, like I think this is fine and it was because I wanted that control.
Speaker 1:And once I sat that I said, yeah, you know what, man? Okay, now I felt bad. That's nothing that most people dads, men aren't gonna talk about. When things don't go your way, like it's going to feel really shitty. It, yes, it will. You know what I'm saying. But oh well, like it can feel shitty, but as long as you are like in tune with those feelings and those emotions and you know where they're coming from, that's fine. Let it feel shitty, acknowledge it, but don't cling on to it.
Speaker 1:And in that moment, on that zoom courtroom because we wrapped this up like 2020, so it was still COVID or 2021 sometime, it was still COVID. And I remember, while I was equally depressed because I didn't get the exact thing I wanted, right, did I have way more time with my son after this wrapped up? Yep, I, I did. I just didn't get the exact thing I wanted. Yes, that pissed me off, but then I realized like it was this immediate calm of surrender and being like the job is done. Caleb is gonna be a better kid for this. His mom is gonna be a better mom for this. I'm gonna be a better dad for this. Mom is going to be a better mom for this. I'm gonna be a better dad for this. Like we learn from this experience and it's done.
Speaker 1:And just letting go of that need for control really helped me. But where did that stem from? That? Really stem from fear. Fear of not being able to see my kid as much as I want, like fear of not, maybe I'm not going to have a deeper connection with him because of if I don't get this much amount of time Right. So that's something for you to think about.
Speaker 1:And also, we got to recognize the fear is probably something that is deep rooted, right and from the way you were raised, the way your parents were raised, the way their parents were raised. So we got to find a way to like mindfully break that cycle. We got to find a way to behave differently so our children aren't using the same tactics that we're using when it's time for them to be parents, right? So here's another good question for you to write down what fears drive your need to control as a father. Think about that, like what fears do you have that you think probably spark the need for you to control as a dad, and how does your parenting shift? If you phased that fear out, if you took that fear head on, how do you shift?
Speaker 1:All right, so the next thing we're going to talk about is how letting go actually creates that deeper connection. I gave you a really good example that's just like a real life example before of how just letting go of wanting to control the situation with my daughter and her mom moving to how now the universe worked out in my favor and now she's not moving six hours away right, how does letting go create deeper connections? So something? Create deeper connections, so something? Another thing that I've read somewhere before when you let go of control, you create space for connection. Right, when you let go of control, you create space for connection. So letting go doesn't mean disengaging, right. It doesn't mean I don't care, I'm not even going to acknowledge you or this thing, right. It just means you're releasing the need to make sure it goes the way you want it to go, every single step of the way, every single detail right. When you do that, it creates space. It creates this kind of space for your child's independence to shine through.
Speaker 1:So a lot of the times and I'm going to even tell you something about my daughter at three years old a lot of the times when she's misbehaving or like when I say misbehaving, like when she is just being a three year old, and because we're in society, we got to add here to the rules Right. So, for example, when she we're at this diner that we eat at almost every week when I pick her up for dinner. We love this diner. Kind of sad that now we're not going to be able to eat at that diner a lot because she's moving so far. But we go to this diner, she loves it there and she'll stand up on the chair every kid does that and obviously I go into control mode because I'm like, oh my gosh, there's a man, there's a woman behind behind us. Like now they're going to like that family is going to see this girl standing on the seat and now they're going to say, oh my gosh, like they're in the booth, she's standing on a seat, this dad is not doing his job Once again, fair judgment and she's not necessarily disturbing or distracting them from eating.
Speaker 1:What is the real issue with her? She's not going to stand up for 30 minutes, it's probably going to last five seconds, but we don't even let it get to that point because of this fear. And so I tried this one day. We were in the diner and she stood up and I said you know what? I'm not gonna say anything, I am literally just gonna stay here and not say a word. Funny thing is she stood up on the booth, on the chair and on the seat and I could tell she was ready for me to tell her to get down.
Speaker 1:That's the wild part about it. Like I just seen it in her face and her mannerism. She's like waiting for me to say kenley, sit down. She stands up. She looks over at the people behind us. You know they're smiling at her, thinking she's cute and she is very cute. But you know what I mean. She shits down, she puts her head on my. You know like she embraces me. She puts her head like around my midsection, my chest area, and we start coloring cutest moment. And I'm like dang, I wouldn't have had that super cute bonding moment with her if she would have, if I would have yelled at her like, hey, get down. We wouldn't have had that moment, because you know how it goes she's mad. But then, if she does get down, she's sad. I just let it go, I didn't do anything, and that led to her getting down naturally and embracing me. That was wild. I loved it.
Speaker 1:But that's just a moment, how letting go can, like, actually create deeper connections. So so think about this as like a bridge, right what I'm about to tell you. So, when you let go, you kind of model trust, right, and that's the beginning part of the bridge Like you're trying to go over. You're trying to cross the bridge to fully be in this embodiment of trust, and it's not just in them, but it's also like in yourself, in life in general. That's one thing about fatherhood that is real deep that you don't realize until you start doing this type of inner work. Is anything that you are experiencing in fatherhood is just a reflection of what's going on inside. Anything that you're experiencing with any relationship is a reflection of what's going on inside. Anything that you're experiencing with any relationship is a reflection of what's going on inside of you. So, if I let go of the need for control and parenting. What do you think is going to happen in my actual life? Like other areas of my life, I am going to let go for the need to control, and that's why I say it's a bridge, because you can start off with this being building trust and stuff and parenting, but then you eventually cross over to your life and this is a really cool thing to experience. I wish everyone experiences this type of stuff. So, yeah, that's my example I'm going to use today for how letting go can create deeper connections with your kids, but also can help you in your own life.
Speaker 1:For the sake of time, no, I was going to say for the sake of time, I'm going to skip this reflection question, but I'm not. I am going to say this question for this section is when was the last time you let your child take the lead and how did that feel to just let go and be fully there? Think about that. When was the last time you let your child take the lead? How did that feel to let go and simply be present? Okay, the last thing we're going to do before we get into our guided reflection is we're going to talk about some practical ways to embrace this in fatherhood right Now.
Speaker 1:You've listened to the podcast. What can you do on a day-to-day basis to embrace this type of mindset and these type of values? So something to think about. You can't control the river. We're not going to be able to control the river, but we can learn to swim with it. I know that's a bar. I appreciate you. You can't control the river, but you can learn to swim with it. So let's talk about mindful awareness.
Speaker 1:So this is something that obviously I tell clients about, I tell any dad about. Mindfulness is everything for me. So this is called the pause practice. So when you feel the urge to control, just pause and take like a few breaths, right, and then just ask yourself Am I leading from fear or am I leading from trust? There's been times when I wanted Caleb to do a certain thing, say a certain choose, a certain thing. I'm like giving him a choice, knowing damn well I want him to pick one or the other, but I'm like I have the choice that I really want him to pick, but I'm making it seem like he has autonomy, right, and in some of these moments where it backfires, I'm telling you I've asked myself like, ok, what am I doing right now, am I really leading from, like fear, wanting to control it, or am I leading from trust? That's something to think about, something to think about. Something to think about. Something else to think about is being aware of your body, so that's more of a mindful awareness. Next is body awareness. Notice how you might clench your jaw, you might get your shoulders might be tight. Look for these physical cues. Look for these physical tension cues that you're gripping on too tightly in these situations. Just be aware of that the next time.
Speaker 1:Right, some stuff that we can do that empower our kids. Give them choices but really mean it, like I just gave you the example how sometimes I give Caleb a choice but knowing, damn, I want him to pick what I want him to pick. Right. But give them choices and actually stand by that and be OK with whatever they choose. You want to wear the red shirt or the blue one? We both know I'm talking about me and you now listening. We both know the red shirt is. It looks better with the black pants, for example. But if they want to wear the blue one, that's on them, let them wear the blue one and be totally fine with that. Right, give them this sense of autonomy, like you know what, wow, I could almost do what I want, but they're individuals. Give them that sense of individuality, right, let them lead something else. And this is more like this is a deeper one.
Speaker 1:We'll talk about probably deeper in other episodes, but sometimes, when caleb gets in trouble, I actually involve him in the decision-making process of the consequence. This is a deep topic so I can't I won't stay too long on this topic, but sometimes I'll, like he'll get in trouble and I'll be like man, clearly something has to give here and I'll have some things that I think that are fair, and then I'll say what do you think? One time can't make this up. One time he, like got in trouble for something. His mom told me about it. She gave him her punishment and I said, yeah, well, caleb, this is going to be a tough one man. I said I'll tell you what I'm thinking. But what are you thinking? I promise you, this man gave himself like more of a punishment than I was even thinking. I promise you I was probably going to take the game away from him for three weekends or something. And this man took the game away from himself for a month and a half and I was like, okay, works for me Terrible, right, I know.
Speaker 1:So just empowering them in all types of situations. I just gave you a situation when it comes to discipline. Just empower them. So, daily flows, man. So here's some things that you can do for your. First of all, I'm loving this episode, I must say, this whole new rebrand, these deeper topics of awareness, spirituality this is what really lights me up. So I'm having an awesome time recording this, not that I wasn't having an awesome time recording the other episodes prior, but I just feel very good about choosing to rebrand and get a lot deeper in these episodes. So here are some daily flows you can do.
Speaker 1:Think about some moments like some flow moments. Think about some moments in your day where you can let go, whether it's not rushing them to hurry up and go to bed, just allowing like spontaneity to happen in routines that are normally rigid. Flow moments. Think of those. And then, obviously, everything is going to be about breath work and meditation, right. So just integrate some short breath work. Breathe in for four seconds, hold four seconds. Breathe out for four seconds, hold, repeat little things like that into your day to kind of reset whenever you feel like fatherhood is like getting overwhelming for you, and a good reflection question for this is what's one area in your parenting where you can practice letting go today? Right, got to add that to the end of that. What's one area in your parenting where you can practice letting go today? All right, we are at the end of the episode. I am so grateful for all who have listened up until this point.
Speaker 1:Now we are going to do a guided reflection. If you are driving, please do not close your eyes. Pay attention to the road and maybe come back to this when you have some time to be still All right. So, as we go through this guided reflection, I want you to think about something when are you holding on and how can you release? All right, all right. So let's settle in, close your eyes if that feels good for you and we're going to take a few deep breaths, all right. Then you're going to settle into your body. So what that means is scan certain areas in your body that has tension this typically happens in the jaw, typically happens in the chest area, the shoulders and just release the tension. You release the tension by being aware of the tension. So you just all you got to do is place your attention, your awareness, on the area that has attention and just relax. The relaxation will come naturally as long as you're putting your awareness on it.
Speaker 1:Next we're going to visualize. Picture yourself with your child, your children, during a typical moment of conflict or some tension. Right, maybe it's what we talked about earlier the bedtime struggles. Maybe it's homework battles. Right, maybe they're throwing a tantrum in a store. Look at that scene unfolding. Right, so you want to hurry up the bedtime process and not giving you the maximum effort during homework? Right, think about that. Visualize that. Feel that. Right, think about that. Visualize that. Feel that.
Speaker 1:Now try to notice where you feel the urge to control that situation. Right, where are you trying to control that? Is it in your voice? Is that in your posture, your thoughts? Try to really, really visualize this and sense where would you be trying to control this situation? Where have you tried to control this situation in the past?
Speaker 1:So, when you're thinking about the urge, the next thing you want to think about is what emotions are underneath that urge. Right, we're still breathing normally, but we're still breathing with intention as we go through this exercise. But what emotions are underneath that urge? Is it fear? Are you getting an emotion of frustration? Is it a need to be seen as a good dad? I know that probably hits hard and that probably resonates right. I know that probably hits hard and that probably resonates right.
Speaker 1:Acknowledge whatever that emotion is, without judgment, because it's human. So take some time to acknowledge that emotion without judgment. Now, as you're acknowledging it, you're going through a process of being okay with yourself for even having that emotion. It's normal. You're human. Now release and reframe. Just take a deep breath and let go of that need for control. Deep breath in and let go of that need for control. Deep breath in and on the out breath, let go of the need for all that control. Now picture that scene playing out again. But this time your approach is different. Your approach is with presence. Your approach is with trust. How does that feel? Something to think about, something to sit with. This is a reflection that you can do. It's a guided meditation, guided reflection that you can come back to time and time again. So I would invite you all to journal about the experience that you just had and focus on where you can practice more surrender in your fatherhood journey.
Speaker 1:It's going to be 30, 40 or three people that listens to this episode today. I'm truly grateful, truly grateful, and I appreciate everyone who listens from the bottom of my heart. So that's all we got for today. Thank you so much for checking out the first technically episode of the Mindful Dad podcast. If you felt this episode was powerful, if it resonated with you, please feel free to share or leave a review. On whatever platform that you listen on, please share, leave a review, and I really really appreciate everyone for checking the podcast out. And, as always, the universe is made up of ninety nine point nine nine percent light, so I am sending you all light, all light. Have a good one.
